How Can I Help My Child with Friendship Issues at School?
Entering the school environment marks a significant phase in a child's life. Friendships formed during these years contribute not only to a sense of belonging but also to the development of crucial social skills and self-esteem. As parents, supporting your child in making friends can be pivotal. Let's explore some key insights and strategies to enhance your child's social experience at school.
The Importance of School Friendships
Building a Sense of Belonging and Self-Esteem
When children have close friends, it fosters a feeling of belonging, contributing significantly to their self-esteem. These friendships create a support system that helps children navigate the ups and downs of social interactions.
Development of Social Skills
Friendships at school play a pivotal role in developing essential life skills. Engaging in activities like playground games facilitates learning about turn-taking, sharing, and cooperation, all crucial for positive social interactions.
Get Your Child’s Teacher Involved
If you have concerns about your child’s social relationships it is vital to let their classroom teacher know. Teacher’s spent a large portion of your child’s week week with them so it is integral they are aware of any social challenges. You child’s teacher can help support them socially and help resolve any friendship conflicts.
Often what happens in the playground doesn’t always make it back to the classroom teacher. If your child is coming home and reporting they are having friendship issues, it is worth flagging this with the classroom teacher to let them know.
Supporting Your Child's Friendships
Young children enjoy playing with their friends, but they still need their parents. In fact, during the early school years, family relationships are still the biggest influence on your child’s development. Good family relationships are what your child needs to learn and grow.
Family relationships give your child a stable, safe base through the ups and downs of making and losing friends. In fact, the care and love you give your child at home helps your child manage other relationships.
If your child is upset at being left out or has had a fight with a friend, your child knows that you’re still there.
You can help your child work it out by talking with your child about what happened, how they felt and how to handle situations like this in the future. For example, ‘How did you feel when Ali wouldn’t let you play?’ This helps your child understand and manage their own feelings. Or sometimes just listening or giving your child a hug can be enough.
Never encourage a retaliation or physical violence towards another child. If you feel that your child is experiencing physical harm at school is is important to alert the school as soon a possible. Children need support to deal with these behaviours.
Getting Involved and Organising Playdates
Take an active interest in your child's social life by getting to know their friends. Organise playdates that provide a relaxed setting for friendships to grow. This involvement not only reassures your child but also allows you to observe and understand their social dynamics.
Tips for Successful Playdates
Before the playdate, help your child to put away any precious belongings that they might not want to share or that might get damaged. This can prevent any upsets.
Invite the friend’s parent to stay. Some parents feel more comfortable if they can stay for a little while and get to know you.
Start with a snack or drink. This can help children feel comfortable with each other.
Talk with the children about what areas of the house or garden they can use. This can help to prevent tension about what children are allowed to do in your home. It can also help to ease the friends anxiety of an unknown location.
Be available in case the children need help, but give your child and their friend time and space to learn how to get along with each other.
Have some activities available. It could be craft, ballgames, lego and so on. You might not need to use these activities, but it’s good to have them ready in case you sense children getting restless. Try to avoid video games and stick with games that promote communication and active play.
If your child finds playdates tricky, try keeping them fairly short – for example, 1-2 hours.
Addressing Friendship Troubles
Help your Child Navigate Social Challenges
If you notice signs of friendship troubles, consider gentle reminders about social cues and game rules. School buddy systems can also offer valuable support. If your child has an older “buddy” at school, they could seek their help for support on the playground. Open communication with classroom teachers provides insights into your child's social interactions within the school environment.
Sometimes teachers witness your child exhibiting different behaviours to what you may see during your time with them. Talk to to the teacher about any concerns they may have seen regarding your child’s social behaviour and work on these at home.
Identifying and Handling Bullying
Be vigilant for signs of bullying, either as a victim or perpetrator. Engage in conversations with your child about their experiences, ensuring they feel comfortable seeking your support. Addressing unsafe behavior promptly is crucial.
It’s hard for any parent to imagine their child could show bullying behaviours. Often children do not even percieve their behaviour to be “bullying”. It is important to talk to your child about what bullying is and what it looks like. Even though your child might think they are just “joking around”, it may be causing other children distress.
Understanding Different Social Needs
Variety in Social Preferences
Recognise that each child's social needs vary. Some children may prefer a few close friends, while others thrive in larger groups. Pay attention to your child's comfort level, and avoid imposing expectations based on societal norms.
Support for Shy or Anxious Children
For shy or anxious children, gradual exposure to social situations can be beneficial. Plan playdates at home or involve them in structured activities like clubs to build confidence.
Shy children can take a little longer to build frienships and often seem to gravitate to having one “best friend” or a small group of friends.
Coach and Model Essential Social Skills
Fundamental Social Skills
Children benefit from acquiring fundamental social skills, including emotional regulation, empathy, cooperation, and effective communication. Parents play a crucial role in coaching and providing opportunities for practicing these skills.
These skills don’t come naturally to all children and need to be explictly taught.
Tips for Social Skill Development
Show Warmth and Respect: Avoid controlling tactics and prioritizs warmth. Talk to your child about “bossy” behaviour and what is looks like. Ask them how they feel when other children do this to them.
Emotion Coaching: Assist your child in understanding and managing their emotions. Nobody wants to play with the child that has a tantrum everytime a game doesn’t go their way. Talk to your child about the impact of their emotions on others and how they can use strategies to better regulate their emotions.
Handling Aggressive Behaviour: Address and guide your child in managing aggressive tendencies. Hitting other children is not going to win your child friends. They need to learn how to control their aggressive behaviour.
Crucial Conversation Skills: Teach effective conversation techniques to enhance interaction.
Help kids learn the art of compromise and negotiation & how to handle awkward social situations
Learning how to “join in” a game can be daunting and awkward for child. It’s a good idea to give them a tool box of ideas for how to initiate play or joining in to an existing game.
Invitations to play
Talk to your child about how to invite another child to play. Talk about how everyone has different interests. For example a child may prefer playing a game of soccer to playing in the sandpit with your child. This does not mean they should be offended if they other child does not want to play with them, it’s just that they have different interests.
Talk to your child about seeking out children with common interests. They can use these common interests as an invitation to play.
Approaching an existing game
Before making their approach, teach your child to watch what the other kids are doing. What can they do to fit in?
Try joining the game by doing something relevant. For example, if kids are playing a restaurant game, see if you can become a new customer. If its a soccer game, ask if they can join a side.
Don’t be disruptive or critical or try to change the game.
If the other kids don’t want you to join in, don’t try to force it. Just back off and find something else to do.
Children benefit when we help them come up with concrete strategies for dealing with awkward social situations.
Resolving Conflicts
To build positive relationships with peers, kids need to be able to think of peaceful ways to resolve conflicts. They need to be able to understand what other people need and want; they must be capable of anticipating the consequences of various actions.
Remind your child that each day is a new day. Childhood friendships can change daily. Encourage them not to threaten another child with the end of their friendship- often time (and support) heals all wounds.
Try to see both sides before making a judgement
As a parent, it can be hard to acknowledge that your child may actually be the one at fault during a friendship problem. Our natural instinct is to trust our child, and hope we have raised kind humans. But everyone makes mistakes.
Encourage your child to talk through problems with you and try to see if from another child’s perspective too. Children can be very egocentric and only focus on the impact of issues on themselves. It’s important to discuss both perspectives.
Nurture Lifelong Friendships
As parents, your guidance and support play a pivotal role in shaping your child's social experience at school. By fostering a positive and understanding environment, you empower your child to navigate the complexities of friendships, laying the foundation for lifelong social skills and connections. Remember, each child is unique, and the key lies in acknowledging and nurturing their individuality.
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