How Do I Help with the After-School Meltdown?

Children save their best — and worst — for us, as parents. They are their ‘true selves’ with us. It takes energy to ‘be good’ and follow the rules, especially for young children, so when they get home, they need to decompress and let out what they have been holding together all day. For some this may involve an after school meltdown.

When they are at school, children work especially hard at self-regulating. Self- regulation requires the control of two inner facets. The first is emotional regulation, as they try hard to keep it together all day at school. In contrast, when a child is at home all day, they are more comfortable to express any emotion they feel. They may feel less inhibited and are more inclined to throw a puzzle piece when it isn’t fitting just right, or scream when siblings are in their personal space.

The second facet is the regulation of impulses.

At school, a child must wait in line, follow the classroom routine and sit still when they are told. They can’t simply grab their lunch whenever they choose or cut in front of the line to get to the playground faster. In contrast, when they are at home, they can eat when they feel like eating, lie down when they feel like lying down and jump when they feel like jumping.

Throw in the fact that they’re at school learning, navigating new friendships, lessons, and expectations, and away from home all day, it’s really no wonder kids unravel after school!

What can you do to promote calmness after school?

Before anything else, feed them! After school, I make sure my kids have a snack on the way home. This gets their blood sugar up before they get in the door.

 Sometimes, they need to lie down and rest either with or without a parent. Avoid asking about their day until they’ve had the chance to relax a bit.

Invite them to partake in quiet activities. Doing puzzles, lego, painting, colouring, and playing with play dough can be a nice way to unwind.

If you can, go play outside. Fresh air and a chance to blow off steam can be a game changer.

 Avoid discipline when they are in the midst of a meltdown.

No matter what, be patient and model calmness.

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